“Everybody thinks David is perfect. They don’t know him like I do. He’s kinda weird. Every day, since he was little, he spends at least ten minutes a day, rolling around on the floor, barking, throwing little fits.”-Jazzy “It’s true, we thought he’d grow out of it, but every day after Camp he throws himself on his bed and stirs up a ruckus, all by himself, usually while I’m in the shower.”-Editor/Mom
What is this? Gang up on David time?? In my own Blog??? Thought you liked that I can play by myself and not be bugging you guys all the time. And you think ‘I’m’ strange? Since we’re telling stories and talking about the shower, Jazzy waits for our Moms to get out of their showers and rolls on their used towels. That’s not normal.
“Don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it. They smell good. And seriously? He’s gonna talk about me? Let’s dive into David’s dark side. He eats their toenail clippings. I’m not kidding. Have you ever heard of that before?”-Jazzy
“Sadly, this is true.”-Editor/Mom
What, they’re delicious. Is that wrong? And even if it is, this is coming from one who sniffs hair and human armpits. Gross. Maybe she shouldn’t be throwing stones when she lives in a glass house, too.
“Prove it. If there aren’t any pictures, it didn’t happen.”-Jazzy
Oh, I think my followers will believe it. How could I make that up?
“Another sordid, true story.”-Mom/Editor
“Okay, fine. How about I tell all your followers what ‘really’ made you sick last week, David, and how you lied about it at the Vets?”-Jazzy
“Oh I would, unless you’d like to come clean first.”-Jazzy
Come on. What I do in the privacy of my own room is my business. And how did you find out anyway?
“You weren’t in your room, and it’s not just your business when it affects the rest of us. And how did we all find out? Dude, you’ve gotta get rid of the evidence.”-Jazzy
“Yes David, I agree it’s time you confessed. You’ll feel better, and then we’ll get you the help you need.”-Editor/Mom
“Yes David, you little perv. Tell them what you did.”-Jen
Alright! I can’t take it anymore. I snuck into Auntie’s room, stole her underwear out of the laundry basket and ate them. I don’t know why. (sniff) I’ve never done it before, honest. And I shouldn’t have lied at the Vets, and told all of you that I hadn’t gotten into anything I wasn’t supposed to. (sniff) I knew it was wrong, and I’ve let you all down, but I couldn’t help it. I’m sorry. (sniff, sniff)
“Let us all down? You can sniff all you want David, and I’m sure you’re sorry, now that you got caught anyway. but that’s probably what got you into this trouble to begin with. We knew he had some strange tendencies, but had no idea of the depth of his depravity. My son is a Level 2 Sex Offender, not to mention I really can’t look at him the same anymore.”-Editor/Mom
“How do you think ‘I’ feel? They were ‘my’ underwear.”-Jen